Last Summer

this time was really bad, lots of worry over Joanna and her family finding a safe place to live in San Antonio, worry about Ruth and Chris being able to sell their house, worry about tension between my daughters about the house. Last summer this time was one of the hardest times in my life. I'm still kind of like Beth in Little Women. i want "all the little birds in their nests to agree." When people I love are having major problems with each other i have a terrible time keeping any measure of balance. I think I'm getting a little better at this but it is still terribly hard. I'm relieved that right now there are no overt tensions like last summer. For no good reason, I'm almost afraid to take to deep a breath of relief.

Last Entry

Red buds are bright, just as they were a year ago when Mira died. Liam is a month old today. Hhe can hold up his head. he is well and strong. His parents are well and strong. They are happy. And they are parents who know grief. Mira will always be a mystery. I expect I'll always look at little girls with curls (and of course she might not have had curls at all) and wonder who she would/could have been. So much we'll never know. This has been a year of loss and love - and - AND - most healing word, and. I don't have to choose to feel one or the other.

This is my last entry in this blog. I'll close it out in a week or so. It has served it's purpose. I will continue to write at my general blog http://seastarvsh.blogspot.com/

Real

Liam is real - a baby with long feet, a particular look in his eyes, a healthy appetite, sleeping patterns, a family that adores him. A baby. Our family's baby. Real. I had feared we wouldn't get this far, but we have. We are.

Liam Chaim

William Chaim,
son of Ruth,
son of Chris,
I wish you
awe in face of wonders great and small,
beaches, butterflies, ball games
curiosity
dreams that come true, dreams that don't,
enthusiasm,
friends, family, freedom,
grandchildren.

William Chaim
child of light,
child of life,
I wish you
health,happiness, humility,
imagination,
joy,
kindness, kisses, kinship,
love all your lifetime
magic moments, memories,
nights of peaceful sleep.


William Chaim,
child of wonder,
child of peace,
I wish you
openness of heart, mind, spirit,
problems to solve,
questions to ponder,
rest between achievements,
satisfaction in solutions
tenderness, trust,
understanding
victory, more often than defeat
work well done
excitement in everyday life
yearning to make a difference
zany zigzagging hope.

Liam Chaim,
child of our circle,
may you be a blessing.
May each of us here
be a blessing to you.
day in, day out,
dark times and bright
in love, moment by moment
as many days as we live.

Victoria Hendricks -
For Liam Chaim's naming - February 21 2009

Liam is one week old!

What a blessing. We will have his naming on Saturday, a sweet ceremony his parents have written. He is here, he is among us I find myself still occasionally waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it doesn't. Hasn't yet.

Fifth Day of Life and Beginning to end this Blog

Liam is in his fifth day of life! Amazing. He was a mystery a week ago, and now he is still much of mystery, so much still to unfold - but I've held his hands and kissed his hair, nuzzled into the hollow of his neck. He went through a whole sleep wake cycle yesterday in Bob's arms and another in K.K.'s. I held his hands and cooed at him while he cried through a diaper change. I put one sleeper in the dirty clothes hamper and brought another sleeper downstairs. In short, he's home, healthy, here and I got to help take care of him and it doesn't get much better than that.

I started this blog to chronicle my mixed feelings of hope, anxiety, and grief when Ruth became pregnant with Liam soon after Mia's death. Grieving one grand baby while hoping for the safe birth of another was a definite passage, chronicled here now. It seems this blog has served it's purpose with Liam's safe arrival. I think I will keep it open until March 11, the anniversary of the day Rt uh began to bleed so heavily with Mira - a month after Liam's birthday. There seems a balance there.

Home

Liam and Ruth and Chris are home - family of three - all well. Touches me so deeply