Sunday, November 16, 2008
When I least expect it...grief
Ruth is in her third trimester now. All is well. She says Liam dances jigs to music - such a joy. Mostly I focus on the joy and am less anxious as Liam becomes more and more likely to join us in this life. But grief can strike me from the oddest directions. It is cold tonight for the first time of the season so, before walking the dog, I went to the hall closet and took my heavy coat off of it's hanger. I slipped my hand into the pocket and felt loose beads from a bracelet I gave Ruth the night I learned she was pregnant with Mira. I also found a sticker from the Hilary Clinton rally that marked the last tie I saw Ruth pregnant with Mira. It was a happy night - hopeful - a cold night like this one. Now Ruth is pregnant with Liam and Mira died before we could know her. She will never vote for a woman for President, or for anyone for President. She will not be affected by the success or failure of Obama's Presidency. I won't be able to tell her she was tiny in the year of "Yes we can." I will be able to tell Liam that he was born (probably) a few weeks after Obama's inauguration. And that is good and exciting. Love really is stronger than loss AND loss really stings.