Double vision

Mostly these days I think about Ruth and pregnancy in terms of Sprout, not Mira. But occasionally I have a disturbing sort of double vision. Today, when I read in email of a friend's daughter who got pregnant at the same time Ruth got pregnant with Mira, I was hit hard by the realization that, had all gone well, we would be having baby showers, finishing up the nursery, and excitedly awaiting baby Mira in September. It won't be like that. We are awaiting baby Sprout in February. If Sprout hadn't been conceived, we would probably be grieving Mira hard right now. I cried for her tonight walking home from the bus stop in the sunset, gazing at the waxing half moon in the indigo sky. So much you missed little dragon fly girl, by flying away so soon. I wish it had been different.