This is a blog of hope and grief from the viewpoint of the mother of a younn woman expriencing infertility and loss. It is a chronicle of "secondary grief", one step removed, written to process my own feelings while staying supportive of my daughter and her husband, whose story this really is. I have their permission to share this blog through Lost and Found.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Milestone
Faint Pink Line
Any line is a good line and this one, a shadow four days ago, is clear now. Visible. Strong. First milestone of life barely begun. Please stay, grow, let us know and and hold and love you.
Thank you for commenting on my blog. I sincerely hope this is it for your daughter; as my husband and I are learning, loss can be incredibly hard on the entire family.
In answer to your comment on my post--I think what bothered me in my interaction with my mom is that she was so hurt by my reaction to her stories. It seems to me as though she wants me to be oohing and ahing at every single story she shares about my niece. She wants me to be more interested, and I'm simply not. She also doesn't realize that she is more invested in this little girl as a grandmother than I am as an aunt--and that's OK. There may be some hurt and jealousy there on my part, too--I can't completely tell. I'm not a big person for "cute kid" stories, and she wants me to be.
I think it's wonderful that you're sharing your feelings from your unique perspective as a hopeful grandmother.
Thank you Ann for visiting my blog and commenting. I understand now better what bothered you in your interactions with your mom. It sounds like she "wanted you to feel" more tan you do about her stories, and thatis always hard - being wanted to want, wanted to feel.
I have so many roles, each precious: mother, grandmother, wife, widow,friend life coach, mystic, writer. I have a strong commitment to choosing love over ego, to living out of what I perceive to be wisdom. My motto, borrowed from Mort Satten, is "Real is better than perfect" I work hard to do the "next right thing and not to get stuck in a rigid idea of what the next right thing is. I cherish paradox. I believe there is no one right way to do almost anything.
2 comments:
Thank you for commenting on my blog. I sincerely hope this is it for your daughter; as my husband and I are learning, loss can be incredibly hard on the entire family.
In answer to your comment on my post--I think what bothered me in my interaction with my mom is that she was so hurt by my reaction to her stories. It seems to me as though she wants me to be oohing and ahing at every single story she shares about my niece. She wants me to be more interested, and I'm simply not. She also doesn't realize that she is more invested in this little girl as a grandmother than I am as an aunt--and that's OK. There may be some hurt and jealousy there on my part, too--I can't completely tell. I'm not a big person for "cute kid" stories, and she wants me to be.
I think it's wonderful that you're sharing your feelings from your unique perspective as a hopeful grandmother.
Thank you Ann for visiting my blog and commenting. I understand now better what bothered you in your interactions with your mom. It sounds like she "wanted you to feel" more tan you do about her stories, and thatis always hard - being wanted to want, wanted to feel.
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